My crazy life + more

Boy how time flys!!

2008-08-20T09:17:00.001-07:00

Now that the summer is almost over and it is time for the kids to start schoolwork again I guess I should give an update. We are now living in an area just outside of Wilmington called, Winnabow. Shannon loves the area but the girls and I would still rather be back home. I have tried to adjust but feel like it is just to much on me emotionally. When I am there for a long period I feel so depressed that I look to find a reason to come back home.

The girls are not adjusting too well either. Marissa cries every night holding a picture of Ma-maw or Pop Pop. Makayla is back to not sleeping through the night and peeing in her pants. Mariah is doing okay but I m having a hard time with her obeying and not picking on her sisters. When we do come home, the girls have such an attitude change that you would not think it was the same children.

I am going to home school Mariah this year. Mostly for personal reason but still going to try just the same. I need her around to help out around the house (home schooling can be done in less time than public school) and it will allow us the flexibility and freedom to come home when I need some long overdue help from family. We can come home and bring school work with us and not worry about her school schedule.

I still plan on trying to go back in January to work on my Master's program. I will hopefully have enough credits by September that I can find a good job and put all 3 of the kids in school and only pay daycare fees for one. I am planning on trying to find a job back around Elizabeth City for the purpose of having family that can watch the kids.

The move has been so very tough on Shannon's and I 's marriage. We are standing on some really rough ground that I feel like could give way any time. I feel like he should help out more around the house and he thinks he does plenty. He has made some advancement (like putting his plate in the dishwasher and occasionally doing some disciplining of the kids from the recliner) but I need more help and am even more scared for what the next few months will bring. I am not perfect either, as I am constantly gripping at him over his job because sales are down and the money is not coming it. I think it would probably be easier on him if I would quite but sometimes stress takes over and I hate to see him work 60+ hours a week and make nothing for it.

I guess this whole post has turned into me complaining about moving and I'm sorry. I don't know if we made the right decision to move but I do know that something has to give in or we won't make it much longer. They say things happen by God's plan but it has really tested my faith over the last year and I can truly say my faith is starting to become weak. I continue to read the bible every morning in the hopes of trying to strengthen my faith again and continue to pray for God to help change my attitude and my life around to a more manageable situation.

Moving is for the birds

2008-06-25T11:50:00.000-07:00

I have been packing up the house for hte past few days and am now ready ot call it quits. Still have the kitchen, the two little girls rooms, all bathrooms and my room still to pack up. I have most things down off the wall and the playroom done. Mariah's room is packed up. I need to pack up all of the towels, sheets and lots more stuff. I'm tired of this an ready to just sell off the whole house.

Any help, please feel free to call :)

The Perfectionist in Me!!!

2008-06-20T18:47:00.000-07:00

Well I have had a lot on my mind lately and things are going pretty good. We found a house in Wilmington (as we are no longer going to G-Ville). Shannon wanted an older home but I just could not settle. We are moving into a new home that is about $200 more a month. So much for my small shopping sprees each month. I have started packing up the house on my own but, Mariah has been a big help.

The truth now, I am scared to death to move. I am trying so hard to be strong for the girls but break down every quiet moment I have. I love E-City and have called it home for so many years. I always dreamed of raising my girls in my hometown where I felt safe and always had a friend to turn to. I don't want to leave my family and have become so jealous of those that get to be with there family nearby. I am still hoping and praying every day that something will come through and it will be totally temporary. I would love to come home again really soon. As for now, I am following the path that the Lord has laid before me.

As for the title of this blog, it is because so many people hold me up to such a high extreme that I feel like I have to me that perfectionist all of the time. I want to me that strong person and never fall or falter but I have to admit it that I am as far from perfect as the next person. My faith in God has been put to the test and I can only hope that I pass. I want to be the perfect mom and always be there for my kids. I want them to experience the best things in life but know how to deal when things go wrong. I know that I trip and fall a lot but I still feel like my family and close friends expect more from me.

Here lately I have put so much on myself and have been asked to do so much for others that I am getting way to bogged down. But once again the perfectionist in me does not have the heart to tell anybody no. I want to always do for others first and that makes it hard on me. Shannon's grandma wants us to throw her a 50th wedding anniversary party in July. I don't have the heart to tell her but, I just can't take on another huge task. She doesn't understand that it would all fall on my shoulders as her children either do not live around here or do not have the resources. I am taking care of 3 kids on my own most of the time (as Shannon is gone away more that he is at home right now), pregnant, and trying to pack up a whole house to be prepared to move. Am I just being too selfish or what? Inside I feel like I am falling apart and can't even go to the bathroom because I quietly cry during the few minutes I have to think about it all. (Part of it is probably the hormones!)

Well I guess I have gone on long enough about me. Marissa is finishing up t-ball and Mariah has 2 more games left in the season. Her team is tied for 1st place in the division and I could not be prouder of all of the girls. The 1st scrimmage game they got their butts handed to them on a silver platter and they are now unstoppable. They have learned how to play the field and to hit the ball. Dance is over for the summer and the recital (besides wearing me out) went really well. We are on to VBS in July. I will be coming home that week to help and let the kids go with their friends. Marissa had a birthday in May and Makayla has her party tomorrow, the big 3! Goodbye terrible twos for a little while...whew :) I am down to one birthday party in August, of which we will come home for also and then on to a new baby in October. Maybe by 2009, things will begin to settle down some and a normal life will return. I am still struggling with the idea of homeschooling Mariah and the other two fro the coming year. It would help me out with the schedule of having a baby and being out of commission for a while and allow me more time to come home but it would also be a huge undertaking within our household. Mariah wants to try homeschooling but it would have to be all 3 of the girls or none. I think my decision is going to be determined on rather Marissa can get into prek for the school year or not. She needs some schooling to help her prepare for K so if she doesn't get into prek then I will have to do it at home. If I have to school her then I mine as well do all 3 of them. Need to add that my parents are strongly against it and Shannon isn't to fond of the idea but will let the decision ultimately lie on my shoulders. Any suggestions, I am open?

Well I guess I should get the girls in bed and prepare for bed myself as I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Just a hint of one day around here, I am having a yard sale tomorrow morning, the girls have ball pics in the morning (Shannon is taking them), and Makayla's birthday party is tomorrow afternoon. No wonder I stay so tired.

Constant Changes

2008-06-08T07:36:00.000-07:00

Makayla came through surgery okay. They 10 days following the usrgery were really tough. She did not sleep well at night and would throw the horrible fits just because things didn't go her way. I only got about 12 hours of sleep that week so my temper was not in the mood to handle it most of the time.

I am now finished with work and taking some time to enjoy my kids. Summer is officially on us and we are looking forward to spending time at the beach. We got word on Tuesday of last week that we are officially going to Wilmington instead of Greenville. We knew there was a possiblity that the position could come open and had said that if it did we wanted 1st dips at it. I love being by the beach and my brother. Shannon will have a large territory to cover, from Rocky Mount to Florence, SC but his pay will increase and he should bonus every month. He will probably work a lot until I can go back to work and take some of the pressure off of him.

A positive and very exciting bit of news, we had our 20 week ultrasound and the US tech said that she would not give us a 100% assurance but she thought the baby was a boy. The unbilical cord was between the legs and we could not get a perfect shot but when the blood flow wa turned on you could distinguish between the sex organs and the unbilical cord. The US tech said there was no recognition of girl parts and after 3 girls I didn't see any either but she could see a sac. In another pic she had taken earlier on she showed what she also thought was a sac. I don't know that they will do another US but we will see. I do have to find a doctor in the Wilmington area tough because it is too far to travel with gas prices to come home weekly for appts later on.

I guess that is all of the news for now. I do not know when I will post again as I have a lot of packing to do in a short period of time. We have to be in Wilmington by July 1st. We are going down this coming week to find a house to rent.

A lot on my mind

2008-05-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

I am so hormonal and have had a lot of stresses in the past year but nothing has me more upset than what my family is facing on Friday. Makayla has been to several doctors and finally to Dr. Hood in Va. After the first visit and other doctor recommendations, she has to have some minor surgery.

She goes to CHKD on Friday to have her tonsils and adnoids removed. I knwo that a lot of kids have this done and are fine as I am sure Makayla will be fine also. It is just really bothering me that she has to be put to sleep. The doctor said that she will only be under for 30 minutes but she will be in recovery for anywhere from 3 to 6 hours. Usually at her age they like to keep them overnight but she is so close to being 3 that he is going to try to let her go home the same day. The doctor did say that he would keep her if there were any complications or unforseen circumstances.

She is having the surgery because she has sleep apnea. She will quit breathing at night for as long as 45 seconds. It doesn't sound like a long time but when you are the one that is listening to her and she is not breathing it feels like forever. There have been several times that she has been asleep on the couch in our room and I have started to get up to wake her when she starts breathing again. The diagonsis is that her adnoids are so large that the block her airway when she sleeps. They are going to take the tonsils out just to keep from having to go back later and doing it if she ever has a problem with strep throat.

The hard part the doctor says is gonna be the 10 days after the surgery. She is not allowed to go outside because of the introduction of infection in the air. She is supposed to be inolved only in "quiet" play. I am supposed to force fluids into her to keep her hydrated. My mom is taking the other two girls to my brothers for the weekend so that they won't be running in and out. If they go out, Makayla is gonna want to go along. The next week is gonna be tough because the girls have ball games and I am gonna wanted to go but someone has to stay home with Makayla.

Just keep us in our prayers for the next few weeks. I will update you after the surgery and try to get some pics up of her from that day.

This is tough

2008-04-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought that it would be a fairly easy transition moving from Elizabeth City to Greenville but, boy was I wrong. Shannon has been commuting back and forth and staying with friends in Greenville at least two sometimes three nights a week. I think this is the toughest part right now, trying to handle all three of the kids and I am still not feeling all that great.

We are having a difficult time trying to find a house that is a big as we need for our family but within our price range. Shannon thinks he found on but it is in Wilson, which is another 30 minutes from home. It does have four bedrooms which is the main thing I am looking for in a house.

I am really starting to get nervous about moving. I have never lived any where but here as far back as I can remember. I am afraid for my kids to have to change schools. I do not want to have to pack everything up and unpack it. I really hate moving and when you get down to the bottom line this is tough on all of us. I keep my faith in the Lord because he gives me the strength to get through it all.

I Quit!!!

2008-04-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I tried to take Shannon up on his advice and quit my job. Not that I work all that much but it does take some of my time away from what I need to be doing as a mom and wife. I told my boss that I would work through the end of April but that wasn't good enough. He advised me to take a few months off (because I work part-time it is not that big of a deal) and when things settle down to let him know and he would start sending work my way.

I thought about this idea for a long time as I don't know when my life is gonna settle down, if it ever will. In the end I decided to take his advise and told him to give me at least until we get to Greenville. My problem lies that I don't make a fortune so paying someone to watch the kids is tough. Some weeks I might make $200 and other weeks I might only make $50. This week I didn't make anything but didn't work but about an hour on the ride home from Greenville (I didn't bill for it). I have someone that would watch the girls for me but I am still preplexed as to if it is going to be worth while.

We are still looking for a house in Greenville and will keep up posted as to when we find one but for know your thoughts on the subject of work would be great. Maybe someone else's wisdom could help enhance mine...LOL! Gotta get ready to go to church and get the kids dressed. We are trying to potty train Makayla so she is usually naked when we get ready to leave the house.

Trying to get into the purple and gold spirit, nice touch, huh?

Do they have an energy pill that is safe for the pregnant women of the world??

2008-04-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

I think I really need some more energy. Everybody keeps telling me that at 13 weeks I will get my energy back but I will be 13 weeks tomorrow and am still totally drained.

Anybody with any ideas on how to actually get me off the couch, I am open for suggestions. I have all of the good intentions when I get up in the morning but they all crumble by about noon time and by 2 I am struggling to get a shower. I need to get my house cleaned and the weeds pulled out of the flower beds but I don't feel like doing a single thing...LOL!

PS They also need to make liposuction of belly fat mandatory after having the third and consecutive children.....LOL:)

Long time, No write!!!

2008-03-31T15:27:00.000-07:00

Okay so it has been a while but I have my excuses. I haven't been feeling too well lately so I haven't done more than laying on the couch. I am now in week 11 of the pregnancy and ready for week 13 to get here.

Shannon started his new job and he says that he is loving it but me on the other hand, that is a different story. He is gone a lot and when he is home he is upstairs working. I am having a tough time dealing with the kids and housework and trying to keep up on work. Shannon keeps telling me to quite work but we really need the little bit on money we do receive from me working. Plus it makes me feel like I am doing a little something to contribute to the household bills. I will quite in June anyway when we go to Greenville but would like to stay through then.

That brings me to the point of what I actually do around the house. As a stay at home mom, I do contribute just not financially. I would love to go out and get my dream job but it is just not feasible with three children under the age of 5 (as of October). I have to keep reminding myself that I am a vaulable resource to our house. Sometimes it is hard to do especially when I don't feel like getting off the couch. Are there any more of you out there who feel this way? If so it would be nice to know that I am not alone.

Update of Life!

2008-03-01T08:46:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been a while since I have put up a post so I thought that I would updated as to what is going on.

Shannon starts a new job on the 10th in Greenville, NC with Home Depot. He is going to be commuting back and forth until Mariah gets out of school. At that point in time, we will find a house in the area and will move to Greenville. It is still close enough to home that the next bit of news I am gonna give will be possible. We are going to have a 4th baby in October. I am going to deliver here at home and while in Greenville, I am gonna come home for my appointments and we will schedule an induction date for delivery.

We are hoping for a fresh start and a little boy. Things are finally starting to look up for us and I know that we will be okay. Sometimes the answers that you are looking for and pray for comes on God's time and not yours but I remember that I am always in his care and his plans are what is best for me.

Trials and Tribulations

2008-02-21T18:00:00.000-08:00

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. "

I found the above quote on someone's my space page and it hit me just right. I think I have learned to live by this and have realized that I am only a stronger person because of what I have gone through. Now that it is in the paper, I guess I can write about it.

As most of you know, Shannon was self-employed in construction and we were doing very well until about August of 2007. the bottom fell out for us then, Shannon was not getting any work and we were having to pull everything we had in savings just to make ends meet. We had some advance warning of what was to come and had tried to stop it by getting regular jobs but we just couldn't survive without the money from the business and it was not coming in. We made our last house payment in October of 2007 and our house was listed in the paper this week under forclosures. It is not going to be forclosed on right now but if it does not sell shortly we will lose it. We can't make enough money to make the payments because we were making so much money that we were living at our means and didn't plan on a fall of this gratitude.

I guess I am kinda just putting it all out there right now but sometimes it really does help. I also know that only a handful of people actually read my blog that know me and those people are ones that I trust. I just wanted to let everybody know that I am one of those poeple that should have fell apart but am still managing to hold it together. This is only one of many trials and tribulations that we are going through right now and my true friends know what else is going on and support me and stand behind me. I appreciate the friendships I have with all of you and you all help me to get through each day in your own way and there is not a day that goes by that I don't feel blessed to have each of you in my life. You have all touched my life in one way or another and will never be forgotten.

The verge of my mental breakdown!!

2008-02-08T13:57:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I try to be the happy-go-lucky person that people know me as but I think right now I am dying inside. I truely think that I am on the edge of a mental breakdown. I can't go into everything that is going on but just know that one of the problmes I am dealing with would be a lot for one person to deal with but I am dealing with about four major life changes.

I just wanted to let anybody who reads my blog to keep me in your prayers because I need them now more than ever.

To clarify

2008-01-23T18:09:00.000-08:00

A sto my early post, I don't want to sound like a total B. I do love my husband and he has some great qualities as well the bad ones. I guess you have to take the bad with the good.

I am very grateful for him and he is a lifesaver at many times. We were meant to be together and blessed to have found each other.

I am positive!!

2008-01-23T08:34:00.001-08:00

Okay so this is gonna be one of those blogs where I rant about how I hate something. You may want to skip reading it but i just ahd to get it out ad I figured what better things to do than type it. My other choice was to stand in front of the mirror and yell at myself. So here goes:

I am a positive person for the most part but I am married to one of the most negative people I know. Yes, I love and would change a thing but I just have to know, all of you negative people out there, where do you find happines? How do you live from day to day with so much negativity and hate for the world and the circumstances that you live in? Do you only feel happy and satisfied when things are going good? If that is the case, you live a pretty miserable life because in the normal person's life things are bad 75% of the time and good only 25%. This doesn't mean that life is bad or that you can't be happy.

I am going through one of the worst times in my life right now and yes, I have a hard time some days. For the majority of the time though, I love my life and I am relatively happy. I cry when things are tough but I have to get it out so that I can be tougher than the situation. I control what I do in life and the decisions I make. If I am always negative about my life then my life will be full or negative things. I try to think about what could happen good to me today. I wake up every morning to 3 beautiful, health girls who love me unconditionally and what more reason to always look for the good in the things I do. I might not always enjoy my day or even like my job but if I keep going things will get better and I will once again be on top of the world. Yes, I will fall back down in the valley again and have to fight to get back to the top for my short reign in glory but the fight is what makes life worth living.

I want to be the person who smiles when I feel like dying inside. I want to be the person that people remember as always being happy and could make anyone smile when my heart is breaking and my days are long. I want to be the person that my girls can look to for the positive response. I want to be the person that shows them how to always remember that no matter how bad life seems now there is alwyas someone out there who has it worse than you. I hope that my girls grow up to be the person that I am because I am proud of what I have done and who I have become. I want my girls tosee me go through the hard times and keep smiling knowing that I will come out the other side a better person.

I pray every night that my husband will one day change his attitude on life and his outlook of the world. If not so be it, he is who he is and I love him for it. It would just make my job easier.

Well gotta go do some work, TTYL!

Decision Time

2008-01-15T18:15:00.000-08:00

Well, as most of you know Shannon was going to take a job with Home Depot in New York. We were going to go up to Albany for the weekend this coming weekend but things have fallen through. Supposedly, they have a policy that if you work for them and quite in less than six months they place you on a "no hire" list. It would be nice to have known that before they called him up and offered him the job and got our hopes up.

Now we are back to where we were 2 months ago, at decision time. I want to go back to work but finding a job in this small town is really, really hard. I would like to get on at the Coast Guard base and I thought it would be easier as I already have some civil service experience but I guess that doesn't help much. My dad has a buddy who said that he would keep his ears open for a job in my field and let me know what to do. He said that he would pull all the strings he could to get me on but who knows what will happen. I have started looking for jobs outside of the area but still in the state. I really don't want to go too far from home because my parents and Shannon's grandparents have such a huge influence on the girlz lives.

I hate to make major decisions in life, mainly because I am afraid of making the wrong decision. I know that things will work out and if I pray harder enough, God will answer my prayers and help me make the decisions I need to make.

Recent Updates

2008-01-05T18:32:00.000-08:00

Not a whole lot to report lately. We all had a good Christmas and the girls got more than I ever imagined. It took me several days to find the floor under all of the toys and clothes. I did get my ipod, thanks shannon. Shannon got Guitar Hero and was addicted to the TV for several days. I truly didn't mind though because the girls and I went out of town to Travis's house for a few days.

New years was next and we did the married couple with kids things and stayed home to watch the ball drop on TV. I personnally had to fight to stay awake but I did make it. We didn't do the kissing thing because we were both to lazy to get up off the couch to meet each other in the middle. I guess that's how you know when you have been married tooooooooooo many years....LOL!!!

I went back to work on Friday. I am only working part time with the same company I was working for until Sept 2007. They called me up and asked if I would be interested in coming back part time. Of course we need the money so I said yes but it had to be on a limited basis. I am working on average one day a week away from the house and usually a total of one day a week at home. I would still like to find a full time job that will help pay some of the bills and cover daycare fees.

I know that all of our dreams will come true one day, they may not be the same dreams then that we are dreaming for know but they will come true. It is funny how your hopes and dreams change with age and I expect that mine will change again as I get older. I continue to have faith and a storng trust in the Lord. So, I guess that is my resolution for the new year to continue to hold strong to my faith and to always look for the good in life even when there isn't much hope left. One of my favorite quotes is "It always rains the hardest on those who need sun the most." I beleive this is true but one day the rain will stop and the sun will shine.

Wishing you all a great '08, with continued success and joy in life.

The Greatest Story of Love

2007-12-24T09:31:00.000-08:00

John Powell, A Professor at Loyola University in Chicago writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:

Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the first day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders. It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn't what's on your head but what's in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped. I immediately filed Tommy under "S" for strange . . . very strange.

Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in residence" in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father-God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a slightly cynical tone: "Do you think I'll ever find God?" I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I said very emphatically. "Oh," he responded, "I thought that was the product you were pushing." I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out: "Tommy! I don't think you'll ever find him, but I am absolutely certain that he will find you!"

He shrugged a little and left my class and my life. I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line: "He will find you!" At least I thought it was clever.

Later I heard that Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful. Then a sad report, I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted, and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe. "Tommy, I've thought about you so often. I hear you are sick!" I blurted out. "Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It's a matter of weeks."

"Can you talk about it, Tom?"

"Sure, what would you like to know?"

"What's it like to be only twenty-four and dying?"

"Well, it could be worse."

"Like what?"

"Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real 'biggies' in life."

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under "S" where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification God sends back into my life to educate me.) But what I really came to see you about," Tom said, " is something you said to me on the last day of class." (He remembered!) He continued, "I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, 'No!' which surprised me. Then you said, 'But he will find you.' I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. (My "clever" line. He thought about that a lot!) But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, then I got serious about locating God. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven. But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.

Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn't really care...about God, about an afterlife, or anything like that. "I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: 'The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.'

"So I began with the hardest one: my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him." 'Dad'". . "Yes, what?" he asked without lowering the newspaper.

"Dad, I would like to talk with you."

"Well, talk."

"I mean... . It's really important." The newspaper came down three slow inches. "What is it?"

"Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that." Tom smiled at me and said with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him: "The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me. And we talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me.

"It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years. I was only sorry about one thing: that I had waited so long. Here I was just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.

"Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn't come to me when I pleaded with him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, 'C'mon, jump through.' 'C'mon, I'll give you three days ...three weeks.' Apparently God does things in his own way and at his own hour. "But the important thing is that he was there. He found me. You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for him."

"Tommy," I practically gasped, "I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.' Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn't be half as effective as if you were to tell them. "

Ooh . . . I was ready for you, but I don't know if I'm ready for your class."

" Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call." In a few days Tommy called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date. However, he never made it. He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class.

Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined. Before he died, we talked one last time.

"I'm not going to make it to your class," he said. "I know, Tom."

"Will you tell them for me? Will you . . . tell the whole world for me?"

"I will, Tom. I'll tell them. I'll do my best." So, to all of you who have been kind enough to hear this simple statement about love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven:

"I told them, Tommy ... as best I could."

If this story means anything to you, please pass it on to a friend or two. It is a true story and is not enhanced for publicity purposes.

by John Powell

You don't have to repost but this for me just shows the love that we find in God and the joy he can bring to our lives even when we are surrounded by troubles. I hope this touches you in the way that it did me and can maybe even make you smile a little in this Christmas Season.
Ally

A Very important message

2007-12-21T08:47:00.000-08:00

I found this on a blog from someone else and I have to admit that I am in total agreement with the context of the message. Things happen for a reason and God will have his day soon and we will all have to answer to him. I know where I stand and I hope each one of you do also.

Ally

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against.

That's what they are: Christmas trees.It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu.

If people want a church, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said O K.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread<> like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.Are you laughing?Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards.
Honestly and respectfully,Ben Stein

What a busy week!!!

2007-12-06T06:21:00.000-08:00

I have a few brief moments and thought I would post my thoughts on our happenings while I wait for Makayla to come home. This week has been busier than I thought I would be but we are almost at the end.

Marissa and Makayla have both spent the night off this week with grandparents and I have spent a lot of time running them back and forth from house to house. Mariah got forgot, sorry it happens when there are 3 and they all go in different directions. She had parents weeks at dance this week and I forgot all about it until I went to pick her up and all of the parents were sitting in the room.

I have been doing a lot of job hunting this week but can't seem to get anything to mature into a job. I am definetly going to have to go back to school in January to get my master's so that I can get the job I want. Especially since I can't find anything to even settle on in the mean time.

Premier is even slow for me this month. I think if I could find a job and get out there and meet more people that even that would pick up. It is hard to get started and get the business off the ground. I have even went outside of my circle of friends but, everybody that I have asked to do a party will always come up with some excuse about how they don't have the time or someone else is having one that they know. I am not the type of person who works with a lot of pressure on people so I just take the excuse and go on.

Mariah has 2 Christmas plays next week so we will be busy with her next week. Her school play is on Monday and the church play is the following Sunday. She has her Christmas party at dance next Thursday. I am looking forward to her being out of school for the holidays and getting to spend some time with her and the other two getting to play with her.

Shannon and I are having a "date" night Friday, well somewhat we are taking Mariah. We are going to the Step of Faith Christmas Concert. I look forward to this event every year and can't wait for this years show. We need some time out of the house. Shannon is supposed to then leave on Saturday morning going to New York to visit a friend. He wanted me to go but it is not possible for me to go this weekend. He might wait until after the holidays. I hope he does so maybe I can go along.

Christmas is coming!!

2007-12-03T07:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm a little early but I have really started to get in the spirit. I have purchased the majority of my gifts (minus the ones I am waiting for Shannon's help on), made my dinner menu, and put up all of my decorations. This is my favortie time of year and every year that I see my kids get into it more and more I am even more excited.

Marissa wakes up every morning asking me when Christmas is gonna be here. She sees all the toys advertised on TV and wants it all. I am proud of myself though because the one thing she wants Santa to bring her is the Click Start Computer by Leap Frog and it is exactly what I got for Santa to give her. She will tell you that Santa is gonna bring her a "pooter" for Christmas.

Makayla is still a little young to understand or so I thought. She went with me and my mom shopping on Black Friday (that is a tradition in my family) and we took her to see Santa at Greenbrier Mall. The line was extremely short or else I would have waited for Shannon to be with us and she was begging to go see him. She walked right up to him, he picked her up and she gave him the biggest, tightest hug and would not let go. You could hear everybody around just let out a "awhhhh" and she was soooo cute. She told him that she wanted babies for Christmas. Which is also the what she is getting, again good choice Ally!

Mariah is the least excited but I think this is because she realizes that it is still a little while before Santa comes. She is old enough I am waiting fo rher to start asking questions about the truth about Santa. So far we have steared clear for now and I am willing to let her hold on to her innocence for a little bit longer. As for what she wants, who knows??? She has asked for so many things and she tells everyone something different. She has asked for another snake (which is not gonna happen as the 1st 2 are not allowed at my house), she has asked for the High School Musical 2 movie, and she has also asked for a B-Bratz. Santa is gonna bring her a Gameboy as he did not know what to get.

I was a little skeptical of Christmas this year because as most of you might know our finances this year are rather tight. My only saving grace is that when we were doing well in the begining of the year, I saved $50 a week for a rainy day. I did use some when needed but I promised myself that I would have money for Christmas out of that fund also. God works his miracles in our lives everyday and I am grateful for it even more during this time of year.

Well, Shannon just called to say that he is coming home for an early lunch so I guess I better go find something to cook. I will update later on in the week as to what is going on. Next week will be busy so I will try to do 2 posts this week.

Job Hunting

2007-11-29T09:24:00.000-08:00

Well I am trying to find a job but whoever imagined that it would be as hard as it has become. Maybe I am just tooooo picky but I am bound and determined to find a job that also allows me to spend the time with my kids that they need.

I have had several job interviews with good companies, Albemarle Boats and Blackwater, but they can not pay me enough to cover the cost of taxes, gas, and childcare. If I onlye had one child in daycae it would not be that bad but when you have to pay for two in daycare you are looking at about $12000 annually for childcare.

I am also looking for a job that is part-time so that I can finish my masters degree. I want to enroll in Strayer University and I will be able to get my MBA in one year taking 3 classes a quarter. My ultimate goal is to be a professor at a Community College or maybe if the right opportuinity appeared a university. I have even looked at teaching adjuct classes @ TCC just to find something that provides some money for us. The problem with this is that the distance of travel is questionable if it is beneficial for the amount of money.

I have tossed around the option of going back to work @ Albemarle School just because the childcare is relatively cheap. I enjoyed the job when I worked there previously but the pay is not all that good. Although when you look at the savings on childcare it might be worth the chance. I have talked to Mariah's dance teacher, who works there, and she said that there could be a good chance of getting my foot back in the door.

Sooooo, I guess that I am off to refine my resume one more time and write a letter of interest and send it to Albemarle School. Wish me luck on the job hunt and the schooling ahead!

PS I will be writing later after I get my thoughts together on some issues we are considering to leave the area. The job market is better in other areas. Keep us in your prayers for the decisions we have to make.

Let's get Started

2007-11-26T18:34:00.001-08:00

I thought for a while about posting a blog but just could not find the time so I had to make it. My life at this point in time is crazy. I am a mom of three very active girls. I stay at home but am trying to find a job. This task has turned out to be much more difficult than I could have ever imagined.

My husband of almost 10 years is a great man but like every mrriage we have our ups and downs. Right now our marriage is just on a hillside and I'm not sure if we are headed up or down. Our life that is another story all together, it is most definetly in one of the lowest valleys we have ever had to face. The only strength I have to draw on is the grace that God provides for me and the faith I have that he has provided the best for me in life but it just hasn't materialzed yet.

I will keep in touch and continue to update my blog regularly. That will be my new years resolution, a little early, and it will be a difficult task as I am hoping to return to school in January to complete my masters in business administration.