The Perfectionist in Me!!!

Well I have had a lot on my mind lately and things are going pretty good. We found a house in Wilmington (as we are no longer going to G-Ville). Shannon wanted an older home but I just could not settle. We are moving into a new home that is about $200 more a month. So much for my small shopping sprees each month. I have started packing up the house on my own but, Mariah has been a big help.

The truth now, I am scared to death to move. I am trying so hard to be strong for the girls but break down every quiet moment I have. I love E-City and have called it home for so many years. I always dreamed of raising my girls in my hometown where I felt safe and always had a friend to turn to. I don't want to leave my family and have become so jealous of those that get to be with there family nearby. I am still hoping and praying every day that something will come through and it will be totally temporary. I would love to come home again really soon. As for now, I am following the path that the Lord has laid before me.

As for the title of this blog, it is because so many people hold me up to such a high extreme that I feel like I have to me that perfectionist all of the time. I want to me that strong person and never fall or falter but I have to admit it that I am as far from perfect as the next person. My faith in God has been put to the test and I can only hope that I pass. I want to be the perfect mom and always be there for my kids. I want them to experience the best things in life but know how to deal when things go wrong. I know that I trip and fall a lot but I still feel like my family and close friends expect more from me.

Here lately I have put so much on myself and have been asked to do so much for others that I am getting way to bogged down. But once again the perfectionist in me does not have the heart to tell anybody no. I want to always do for others first and that makes it hard on me. Shannon's grandma wants us to throw her a 50th wedding anniversary party in July. I don't have the heart to tell her but, I just can't take on another huge task. She doesn't understand that it would all fall on my shoulders as her children either do not live around here or do not have the resources. I am taking care of 3 kids on my own most of the time (as Shannon is gone away more that he is at home right now), pregnant, and trying to pack up a whole house to be prepared to move. Am I just being too selfish or what? Inside I feel like I am falling apart and can't even go to the bathroom because I quietly cry during the few minutes I have to think about it all. (Part of it is probably the hormones!)

Well I guess I have gone on long enough about me. Marissa is finishing up t-ball and Mariah has 2 more games left in the season. Her team is tied for 1st place in the division and I could not be prouder of all of the girls. The 1st scrimmage game they got their butts handed to them on a silver platter and they are now unstoppable. They have learned how to play the field and to hit the ball. Dance is over for the summer and the recital (besides wearing me out) went really well. We are on to VBS in July. I will be coming home that week to help and let the kids go with their friends. Marissa had a birthday in May and Makayla has her party tomorrow, the big 3! Goodbye terrible twos for a little while...whew :) I am down to one birthday party in August, of which we will come home for also and then on to a new baby in October. Maybe by 2009, things will begin to settle down some and a normal life will return. I am still struggling with the idea of homeschooling Mariah and the other two fro the coming year. It would help me out with the schedule of having a baby and being out of commission for a while and allow me more time to come home but it would also be a huge undertaking within our household. Mariah wants to try homeschooling but it would have to be all 3 of the girls or none. I think my decision is going to be determined on rather Marissa can get into prek for the school year or not. She needs some schooling to help her prepare for K so if she doesn't get into prek then I will have to do it at home. If I have to school her then I mine as well do all 3 of them. Need to add that my parents are strongly against it and Shannon isn't to fond of the idea but will let the decision ultimately lie on my shoulders. Any suggestions, I am open?

Well I guess I should get the girls in bed and prepare for bed myself as I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Just a hint of one day around here, I am having a yard sale tomorrow morning, the girls have ball pics in the morning (Shannon is taking them), and Makayla's birthday party is tomorrow afternoon. No wonder I stay so tired.